"... But I soon tired of auto-tanning and surrendered to the pros at Ajune, 1294 Third Avenue, a medical day spa that airbrushes you brown. The excellent Zaza sail-scrubbed me to a shine (S100) and gave me the sun-kissed treatment ($70) as I posed like 3 sumo wrestler, like Schwarzenegger in his Mr. Universe days, like a ballet dancer in second position. The following morning I'd morphed into an Oompa-Loompa, but Zaza had warned me that excesses happen. The orange ultimately slithered down the drain, and I was brown and sugared. ShiuCeuiicais' Sans Soleil SnnJess Tanner kept me that way for days.

So the Samurai Shopper is no longer just a pretty, lasered face. Ajune sold me c&iorscienee's SPF 30 Snnfot sellable protection brush, a magic wand dispensing noa-dweeby zinc oxide to deliver me from any evil under the sun."